So I've liked this girl for longer than any other girl, ever. I can honestly say I love her (or at least it honestly it feels like it if I don't know what real love feels like), yet we've only been dating for about two months. A few weeks ago she went to a music festival for a week, and when she was away I started getting this feeling that I was being left out. Facebook statuses about the music festival were going on for a heck of a long time and I just felt like I was rather pushed to the side. I don't know why but I started feeling immensely jealous and angry at her.
Now a little more background about me, I've had group of friends for seriously, my entire social life. Wasn't much of a social butterfly when I was young and I was really quite the little evil kid. Anyways, she has a crap load of friends, and friend groups including mine; one of those girls who can just start talking to someone and immediately hit it off. Recently one of my best friends (I'll go ahead and name him since it is relevant), Taylor, started going out with my ex, whom I hate for being just a general whore, annoying person, and extreme non-intellectual. He abandoned the group and is rarely seen (the lesser of two evils in my opinion, as I'd like to not have to see them making out at the only sanctuary I have at school, the table.) He lost his virginity to her and all that crap. At least some of you will understand how that might get a guy to abandon his friend group to sit alone with a whore. I know I do.
So, when me and her started dating, she did not want to become a Taylor; I was 100% behind that, so she'd take some lunch periods to go talk with two of her good friends, sees them in class and during passing periods, plus outside of school. Totally cool, nothing wrong with it. But when some internal conflicts started going on in her group she took a week and just came by to the table to say hi about 2 or 3 times, and then left to go talk with them. The only problem I have with that is that she talks with them about everything, if she needs comforting she talks to them, not me. This makes me kind of jealous; the result is the only two people I can be mad at is her, and me, for being a jealous dick for no good reason. How can I want her to talk to me for comfort when I'm angry I just get in a terrible mood and shun everyone? It's totally hypocritical of me! But it's how I feel and that's what annoys me most, I can't change that easily, if at all.
(If you've read this far you're a champ.)
Last night was the last night of my high school's film fest. She's in the film class along with a group of friends we both share, but I'm not really apart of. She is. So the night goes by and the night before I didn't sit next to her so this time we do. She kept trying to hold my hands during films, and I held hers but limply until we had to clap in which case I folded my hands on my lap and didn't go back in. It takes a good amount to set me off and I'm surprised the son of (expletive here) who sat next to me (who's one of those people who not only leaves their cell phones on during a movie, but actually has the gaul to answer it) didn't just make me flip, because I had been waiting to see the film in question since my friend Cole had told me he had started making it. Besides the Mr. Phone (pick a cuss word to describe him, any one will do), it was exquisite; one of the nicest parts of my night that night. I seem to be off point, so let me sum up the rest of the night; afterwards everyone decided Applebees would be the best place to have dinner late, not a favorite but everything's better with your friends, you know?
So we went and as the giant table was being set up for the 23 people who all knew each other went, we all stood outside and talked. I must have said eight words to her because she looked like she had the big ';Eff Off'; sign on her forehead. So we went inside after a while and I held the door like a good little gentleman for everyone and went in last. Lo and behold it was actually a big table for around 15-17 people, and other little tables. I got the last little table with twA guy who needs to ask girls a question. Unnecessary question mark here ---%26gt;?
hmmm.... well you are a very emotional person ( you dont need to be told that)... which isn't a bad thing at all. i think ( i may be completely wrong) that you want to be social and talk to her and other people, but you are a little shy. i think ( and i may be completely wrong again) that you should really try to open up your feelings to her. tell her everything, and if she stays with you, maybe she can open up about herself, and talk to you more. but listen to this, if she doesnt stay with you, she isnt the perfect girl for you. the right girl will come along and listen to your feelings, and understand them. and she wont just turn to friends for advice and comforting. you are really young, and your life is so valuable, just reading this makes me want to comfort you or something idk give you a hug. maybe you should try (and it is probably very hard for you, i cant even say i understand that because i dont know what it is like, so i wont try) to open up to people and tell them what you feel, and try to step out a little. you seem like a really talented and valuable person, who has very strong feelings, but you have trouble opening up. i am no psychiatrist, but you may (or may not) want to give that a go. :)A guy who needs to ask girls a question. Unnecessary question mark here ---%26gt;?
You journal? I like it. This should be a blog.
I'm sorry she broke up with you, i have been trying to think of a good answer to give you, but when i refreshed the page i saw i was too late. I dont want to sound like a creep or anything because im not. But if you have a myspace, i would like to talk to you. Im going through a similar situation right now also.
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